At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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