just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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