just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
