He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
