So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
