so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
