3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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