I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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