i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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