Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
