Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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