I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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