her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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