I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
