I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
