as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
