At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
