oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
