one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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