i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
