it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
