I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
