They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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