drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
