i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize