They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
