his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
