oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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