Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
