The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You have to summon your inner elephant
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
