I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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