I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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