well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
