you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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