Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
