Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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