Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
