i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
