I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
