There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Screwed.edu
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
