my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
