We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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