my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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