So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
