you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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