I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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