i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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