Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
