Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
