you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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