I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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