trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
